HOW WILL I COPE? – Episode 3

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                    KAFAYAH {Ummu Yaseer}

I am a woman of the Deen, I admit!
I understand this Deen very well, Alhamdulillah!
I am quite aware that polygamy is legalised and accepted by Allah!
I also want to be patient and accept this like most of the Sahabiyyats and the pious women out there but I’m just finding it so difficult.
Maybe because I have a small stature therefore my heart also has little space, having no room to accommodate this! Maybe because I’m thinking his love for me is already been depreciating…!
Thinking! Thinking!! Thinking!!! … All these thoughts going on in my mind are driving me to stupor. How I wish he could take back his words. My love for him has already become an attachment, so how could I withstand sharing him with another woman? My love for him is not artificially, nobody forced me to marry him, neither did someone forced me on him, we are like the perfect ‘tailor-made’ for each other. So, how can I think of sharing him with another woman?
These words keep popping in my mind as I hold him tight.
I can’t help the tears rolling down my eyes. “Oh, not again!” I console myself because I detest him seeing me crying over this matter. He expects me to understand and I am trying but I am finding it difficult.
Maybe I may be able to comprehend if he gives me a tangible reason why he wants a second wife.
“I just pray I am not the cause,” I mutter aloud with increase in the flow of tears.
“Habeebby, you are changing the topic” I say as I continue to sob.
I can feel the wetness of my tears on his clothe, my tears continue to flow like a water tap that has lost control. He stands still for some moments thinking of what to say – I guess. I perceive the odour of the burning stew, before I could say anything, he orders me to hand him the napkin while he turns off the gas. I feel like not releasing him from the tight grip, so I decide not to respond, still holding onto him more tightly. I want him to be perplexed. I want him to feel my pain. I know he is so confused that I can feel his heartbeats.
“Yes, I have achieved my aim.” I am feeling..
Releasing him from the hold, I carry off the pot of stew with bare hands onto the kitchen slab. I want him to nag like he always do whenever I carry hot things with bare hands but he doesn’t nag and this bothers me even more.
Instead, he holds my shoulders and looks straight into my eyes, “dear wife, can you please let’s put this aside first and let’s eat in peace” he pleads.
“How can I eat in peace with this injury you have afflicted me? How can I eat in peace with this heavy load on my mind?” I respond still in tears “I just can’t stop thinking of it.” I lament.
“Okay then sit and let me do the serving and we discuss” he says while sitting me on the kitchen dining table.
I watch him as he serves the dishes. Despite my mood, I still find him adorable!
*****
This his action makes me remember our first night together after Nikkah. back then as a new bride, I was so shy. Abdurrahman and I had known each other in school since the first year of our Higher National Diploma program. We went to the same polytechnic and we were in the same institute – Institute of Technology. Often times we bumped into each other in the library. He would just lower his gaze and even avoid saying Salaam to me. I was always infuriated by this action of his as it degraded my self-esteem. The minimum I expected was the Salaam or may be he thought I was too small a girl for his attention. Even then, but for arrogance, no Islamic ruling prohibits saying the Tasleem to others, I always wondered.
Then we met and got married. On that fateful day, I was sitting like this then, while he was trying to make a simple dinner just for both of us after we were left alone by our families and relatives. I could not withstand the view but he insisted saying he just volunteered to do the cooking so I should not be burdened. I watched him going up and down just because he was cooking ordinary instant noodles, what a man!!!
That night, he confessed to me how he had loved me from the very start but waited patiently for this right time to come. I did think he was just an arrogant ‘jerk’…
*****
Those memories alone are like sweet candies to me, oh my wedding night…! I smile out quietly not knowing when he places all the dishes on the table and has already sat before me, watching.
“So fast? Since when have you been watching me?” I ask feeling embarrassed
“Just now, don’t be embarrassed I just saw you smiling” he replies jokingly.
smiling in response, this thought pop into my head again, he sees my mood changing and he holds my hands
“Olubukola, do you remember these verses? ‘…then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three…”
“…and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course.” I cut in
“Also this verse” he says, “For the present Allah has made light your burden, and He knows that there is weakness in you; so…”
I cut in again, “…so if there are a hundred patient ones of you they shall overcome two hundred, and if there are a thousand they shall overcome two thousand by Allah’s permission, and Allah is with the patient.”
“Wow! Ma Sha Allah! I almost forgot that I am married to an Aalima” he exclaims
“You are the Aalim, I inherit it from you” I respond with a serious tone
Seeing the seriousness in my words, he proceeds.
“I know you are verily aware of how much I love and adore you, Walahi! You have been part of me which I can’t reject. It hurts me when you are hurt. It pains me when you are in pain. If you are in doubt about my love for you already, I am now assuring you that your love is still there, very intact in my heart. I know it is hard for you but can you please accept this fact and take it as helping a sister in need, take it as a Sadaqah and you will earn the best of rewards Habeebaty! Polygamy is not an easy task, it won’t be easy for me too but please open your heart and accept this from me. As in those verses, you know very well the best of their meanings, be patient please and I will never stop loving you no matter what! Note that…” He explains while I cut in, still in tears
“Habeeby, I tried and I’m still trying but I just find it difficult to understand the reason you are marrying a second wife”, I sob.
“My heart is aching because of these your tears, please stop crying”, he urges, wiping my face with his hands. “I want you to know you are the best woman to me and for me, you are whom all men would wish to have as a wife: beautiful, religious, smart, brilliant, educated, productive and even very good at cooking. I promise I will always try my best not to ever let go off these hands, I will make sure I do justice between both of you when she enters this house. I will make sure I never forsake any of my responsibilities as your husband and as the father of our children In shaa Allah! I promise Habeebaty, please have faith in me because I have faith in Allah.”
I can’t help but keep crying as those words sink into my head. I think I am overdoing it.
This should not be the reaction of a woman of faith over polygamy. It is Allah’s decree. I should not be like this but still I am not satisfied with those words. Part of me wants more answers and excuses.
“Habeeby, are you sure of what you are saying? Are you sure you aren’t doing this because of my laxity? Are you sure you are going to keep your promises? Remember Rasuulullah (S.A.W) said a man who doesn’t do justice among his wives will be raised leaning on one side on the Dooms Day!” I ask with concern written all over my face. Just before he could respond, curiosity sets in and I ask “And what do you mean by helping a sister in need ‘?”.
“These your questions…, let me answer you one by one; yes, yes, yes In Shaa Allah, I remember the hadith very well and about the sister, I will tell you later. Let’s eat, the food is cold already” he uncovers the food.
Deep in thought again, Part of me feels relieved and the other part is still weighed down. I wonder what type of a sister she is! I lived with different sisters during my school days. I encountered a lot; some just look apparently religious but when you move close to them, they are like scorpions and green snakes. We cannot blame Islam for their manners, as the non-Muslims do . Rather, we should blame them on the society and their upbringing. Islam seeks to make them good Muslims and good people but they insist to dance more to the satanic tune of this so called modern society! I agree with the opinion, especially of men, that says women are too complex to understand. Even we women sometimes find it difficult to understand each other…
“Habeebaty, you are not eating, it is getting cold already” he says giving me a suspicious stare.
He knows I am thinking again, “Bismillah” I say before eating.
“Bismillah fi’awaalihi wa’akhiri” he says with a spoonful of rice in his mouth.
“So, you forgot to say that before you start eating” I manage to laugh.
“This is almost 11pm already, I didn’t eat lunch but I drank a bottle of milk in a friend’s office. Hunger, with all these talk and stress, I am very famished…” he says.
“OK sir, I’m very sorry! may Allah forgives us” I cut in.
We both chorus the ‘Ameen’. Though I have lost my appetite but I still have to eat because I also have not eaten anything except the breakfast, what a horrible girl I am!
We both finish our food and I pack the plates into the washing base uttering the after meal Adhkar.
“I am tired and it is already late, I will do the washing tomorrow. Thanks to Allah, it is Sunday” I murmur,
I turn back and see Habeeby behind me.
“Will you hit me if I give you a kiss?” He asks jokingly
That is one of the ways we do reconcile, even though it sounds like a line in a movie, I still love to hear it, “right now, I think I need more than a kiss” I reply with the best of my smiles.
He lifts and carries me while I pull his head towards myself to start a kiss. Bashfulness/shyness should be a Muslim woman’s quality but Islam also teaches us not to be shy whenever we are with our husbands because we both get rewards if we are able to please and satisfy each other. Now, we head to our bedroom and the light goes off!

About Post Author

Ummu Abdillah

Jayeoba Kafayat Modupeoluwa, mostly known as Ummu Abdillah is a Technologist in Electronics and Telecommunication engineering but presently only active as an Islamic writer - so do not bother to ask her about diodes and electromagnetic waves 🤗. Happily married and recently gifted a princess. She is a lover of teenagers and marriage and does make it her occupation to study them. Also, she's a knowledge seeker who loves to learn new things every second and teaches them as well to whoever cares to learn.
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